Who Lives Here? – Guest Post by Emily Gmitter…

My human’s story. She tells me she’s having problems logging in as herself to respond to folks who are posting on our beloved Ape’s site, so she has asked that I respond to all posters for her. I guess I can do that.

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

Who Lives Here?

Image from Pixabay, Title: Broken

Who lives here? Everywhere I look, I see boxes. Boxes piled one on the other, against every wall. Boxes delivered but never opened. Things bought but never used. Magazines and mail, unopened, sit in unsteady piles on the coffee table, alongside odds and ends that also did not belong there, but which had no choice but to make that table their home. On every chair sit empty food containers and soda cans … guests who have long since outworn their welcome. 

Who lives here? I wondered, as my teary eyes took in the disarray, as my feet wandered cautiously through the cluttered rooms. Pain ripped my heart. I thought I knew who lived here. I did know the name. I even knew the face. But I didn’t know … this.

Her home is full of things old and new…

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#Romance & That Glittery Hoo-ha Trope. #BookReview of LEFT HANGING by @CindyDorminy #TuesdayBookBlog #humor

Glittery hoo-hah?? Gotta tell my human about this!!

Barb Taub

THAT GLITTERY HOO-HA TROPE Urban Dictionary defines: glittery hooha A woman's netherpart which is so amazing, a guy will do anything she says or needs, rescue her from any travail, no matter how ridiculous, because she has mesmerized him with her GHH. Coined by Lani Diane Rich (author). Quoted from Lani: And yet… there is a man. We’ll call him… Hero. Hero is handsome, he is strong, and… well, yes, okay, he’s kinda dumb, too, but still he manages to rescue her every single time she’s in trouble… which is approximately twice a show. He stays by her side and loves her through thick and thin. He disentangles her hair from the curling iron. He drops his Very Important Job to rush off and rescue her from the cardboard box on the pier where the Villain left her, warning her NOT TO SAY A WORD lest he do BAD BAD THINGS to her favorite hamster, so she kept quiet, even though the Villain was long gone, and many a passerby had passed her by. The Hero is loyal and loving and doesn’t seem to mind the fact that she is so FREAKIN’ stupid. How can this be?? Well, my friends, it comes down to the power of the Glittery HooHa, or the GHH for short. A woman with an HH as G as this girl merely needs to walk around as glitter falls from her netherparts, leaving a trail for Hero to follow. And once he finds her, it only takes one dip in the GHH to snare him forever, for yea, no matter how many HooHas he might see, never will there be one as Glittery as hers…THAT GLITTERY HOO-HA TROPE
[UrbanDictionary.com defines glittery hooha]
A woman’s netherpart which is so amazing, a guy will do anything she says or needs, rescue her from any travail, no matter how ridiculous, because she has mesmerized him with her GHH. Coined by Lani Diane Rich (author).
Quoted from Lani:
And yet… there is a man. We’ll call him… Hero. Hero is handsome, he is strong, and… well, yes, okay, he’s kinda dumb, too, but still he manages to rescue her every single time she’s in trouble… which is approximately twice a show. He stays by her side and loves her through thick and thin. He disentangles her hair from the curling iron. He drops his Very Important Job to rush off and rescue her from the cardboard box on the pier where the Villain left her, warning her NOT TO SAY A WORD lest he do BAD…

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Danny and Andrew

Love this story. Daniel J. Daniels is a most fitting name for such a sophisticated pooch!!

danny the dog

I found Andrew about thirteen years ago down in Miami. Nowadays we live on a boat in Fort Lauderdale, but I’m originally from Miami. Andrew, as far as I know, has always lived in Fort Lauderdale.

I was six months old and I wanted to go out and see the world. I wasn’t getting any younger and the lure of the road was calling to me. So, one day when no one was looking, I just took off. At first, I had a grand time. I’d sniff my way up one street and then down the next. I met up with a few other dogs, chased a few cars, and thought to myself, This is the life. But after a day or so, I started to get hungry and, unlike the home I had left, the humans I ran into had no desire to feed me. I did get…

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No Flies On This Feline – by Zoe the Cat…

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

No Flies On This Feline

Greetings, friends! Zoe here with a “good news/bad news” story for your reading pleasure. To those of you who don’t know me from Adam—or I should say, from Eve—allow me a brief introduction. My name is Zoe, and I live with my human, Emily. I write stories about my adventures, but sometimes my adventures are not all that much fun.

For example, take my trips to the veterinarian to get my nails trimmed. These outings are an adventure alright—for the staff. For me, not so much. For me, they are pure agony. I’ve written about this before, but during my most recent visit, something different happened and that’s what I want to tell you about today. However, for you to fully appreciate this story, you need to know what happened at a previous appointment.

Several weeks ago, while on my way to the torture chamber…

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This entry was posted on June 12, 2018. 2 Comments

He Said, She Said-Dialogue Tags

Writing your first novel-Things you should know

He-Said-She-SaidAt this point in the game, you probably know what a dialogue tag is. It is a phrase placed at the end of a quote to identify the speaker. It should mimic speech’s natural rhythm and make long dialogue-runs digestible.

When using dialogue tags, it is  recommended that you keep them simple. There is nothing wrong with the word ‘said’.  Don’t give in to the urge to use every big word you know. If you do, you will end up with a big, clunky, mess. The wrong tag can overshadow the words spoken and draw your reader out of the story.

Example:

“You hit my car!” she screamed.                                                                                                  …

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This entry was posted on May 30, 2018. 1 Comment

A Literary Prayer

Andrew Joyce – living on a prayer.

Andrew Joyce

My name’s not  important, but it’s up there somewhere. So I guess it ain’t no secret. Anyway, this is what I gotta tell ya. And I don’t have much time. You see, I escaped my confinement, but goddamn it, they’re on my trail. I’ll be dragged back to my computer when they catch up, so I gotta spit this out while I can.

I’ve written a book or two, I’ve been there and I’ve done that. But over time, I went kinda crazy. I wanted to … no, that’s not right … I had to … I needed to … write the best damn novel since The Grapes of Wrath. Yeah, I know, that’s why I said I went crazy. So crazy I am.

I broke off human contact. I disconnected all wires that invaded my abode. I went old-school. I kissed girlfriends good-bye. I shook hands with friends…

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This entry was posted on May 15, 2018. 1 Comment

Zoe – Behind Closed Doors…

Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog

Greetings, dear friends in The Land of Zen! The other day, I was thinking about something that causes me great stress. I wanted to share my thoughts here, because I figure some of you good people may relate. And maybe, if I am lucky, some of you may have a few words of wisdom to share with me.

Before I go any further, though, an introduction may be in order, although I find it hard to believe that I am not, by now, known far and wide.

My name is Zoe the Fabulous Feline, and I write about life with my human, Emily. No, scratch that (no pun intended). I write about my life and adventures, and, occasionally, Emily makes an appearance in my stories, as she will, briefly, in this one.

So . . . what I was thinking about is this: closed doors. And how much I…

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This entry was posted on May 9, 2018. 6 Comments